My Dreams!
So lately at night and ever since the crash of Med 12 this past week I have been having some very odd dreams…..nothing I can really sleep through. The dreams have gone as far as taking me back to days in my childhood, the old house on Beachcomber, and across friends who are no longer here on this earth. One of the most vivid of these dreams included me when I was working @ Life Flight. I had this dream of a Life Flight Helicopter taking off…the Pilot to whom I know! As he is taking off I’m on the ground and give him the peace sign to which he acknowledges with the shaking of a pointed finger. As he lifts I watch the gorgeous Helicopter ascend and transition the tail clockwise and continue to lift. As he starts the transition forward he takes the Helicopter into this beautiful High “G” Tight Left hand turn and I stand there in awe. As I am watching this most horrific noise happens and I can literally see the Rotor Blades slow from turning and stall. I remember thinking and shouting in my head….”Please god Rotate” (Meaning to Auto Rotate) and this of course doesn’t happen. The Helicopter slams into the ground and I go running towards them to help. The impact has pancaked the Helicopter and I am desperately trying to get to the pilot who is still alive. Im screaming for help and crying uncontrollably. The crew is all dead with exception of the pilot….the weirdest thing is all of the crew who are dead are people who never even worked for Life Flight yet they are friends of mine who have died over the years. The dream ends with the sounds of sirens in the background yet no one is helping me and I am crying uncontrollably….the kind of crying that takes your breath away! It is around this time that I actually wake up in bed and feel like I am short of breath. As I Iay there I honestly do feel like crying….this has occurred about three times since this past Sunday! What does this all mean….where is it going….where am I going??? Is it my duty to keep surviving all this tragedy and help those who face uncertain death??? Scary Scary Scary…….I’m really just numb right now and discontent with everything that is going on around me! I know it will get better it just takes time for things to pan out the way God intended!
Rob,
Today I was driving in the Mountains of Pennsylvania on a Blue Clear Sky Day. It was a good day. And I thought about how, through all the tradegy of the past year I was having a good day. I was driving, smiling, listending to my music, enjoying the amazing scenery, and I was happpy, truely happy. It just reminded me of the resiliency of the human spirit. When all accounts say I should be just utterly depressed and sad, there is something that gives me the strength to enjoy a warm summer afternoon. You have that same pull. Hang in there.
I love you,
You Sister.